Friday, January 30, 2009

Happy for the most part

This year has been a world wind of crazy. Alot has changed in my life as you all know. I am happy but at an expense. I spent 4 years making friends and growing close with family members and in a blink of an eye all that was lost. Friends no longer want to be friends and family, well technically they are no longer family. I understand I can't have my cake and eat it too, but I wish I could. I miss everyone so much. Randons family was so good to me and it is so hard to think about not having them anymore. His family in Arizona became my family, and I felt his mom and sister n laws were my own. His cousins I thought of as sisters. His grandma as mine. and his aunts as mothers. I have not really talked to anyone since everything happened and i don't expect them to talk to me. I just want them to know how much i love them, and how there is a void without them. They touched my life and I will never forget them. There will always be a place in my heart for them. I have never felt more friendship or acceptance than when I was with them. Maybe one day down the road things will be different and feelings will of subsided, but if not I will be a better person just for the years I knew them and my door will always be open. Till then I will keep up on everyone from a distance and smile and laugh and cry as I read your blogs and see how everyone is growing. Your friendship has left me not wanting to make new ones because I know they wont compare. Thank you for your love. I love you and always will. You are all such great people,it is my loss not to be in your lives anymore, and I feel that loss. Everyday I feel that loss. So to answer so many peoples question, am I happy? Well I am for the most part.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

happy for the most part...I know the feeling. Life's hard sometimes, huh. Your girls are beautiful, I love the wedding pictures. I lost most of my friends when I got married too. But in marrying Nate I gained a closeness with his extended family that I never experienced with my own. Everything seems to come with a price, but I believe, and hope we can find people to fill the holes. Love you guys!