Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The perfect Mom
Sometimes weekends are hard for me. After the girls leave I sit and think about times when I was short with them or when I wasn't as patient as I should have been. And then I think of how innocent they are. How sweet they are. How when I yell or get mad and they are sad they still want me to be the one to comfort them. It's amazing how forgiving they are. It's times like these that I think maybe this is a good thing. Maybe I need this to let me know how much I take them for granted. All I know is that little by little I am learning from my mistakes. When I am about to lose my temper with them I think remember last time? Remember all the tears you cried after they were gone and how you wished you could just hold them and tell them you were sorry. And suddenly I am calm. It amazes me and I am actually very thankful for those lonely weekends where I spend most of the time counting the days, hours or minutes until I get to hug them again and promising myself that I will try harder every week to be a better mom. Last weekend I was struggling very badly. Abby had had her surgery and Joslynn was desperate for some attention. I wanted so badly to just make Abbys pain go away that I totally neglected Joslynn, and when she acted out for some attention I put her in time out. I was so mean to her because I was so worried about Abby and it was not until after both of them left that it hit me what I had done. I cried all weekend wanting to make things right with Jos and when she came on Sunday she threw her arms around me as if nothing had happend. I have some very special girls. I am so glad that they are willing to give me second and third and fourth chances and I hope that one day I can be the perfect mom! Until then I will continue to learn from my mistakes and soak in every second I have with them!